A year ago today I started my new job as an infant teacher. Lovely school and it was also some lovely serendipity. The teacher I was covering on maternity leave taught my nephew and he loved her. The day I started I said to said to lovely lady going on maternity leave ‘hopefully when you come back I’ll still be here as I think I quite like it here.’
She came back today and here I still am. We had our first staff meeting together this evening.
I was not in a good place a year ago. I had just stopped being a headteacher and felt like a total failure. I had come to define myself with failure. Bad results, bad local authority visits. Failed as a head (and 2 divorces) life fail. Wise Mr P made a comment about how people define themselves at tonight’s staff meeting. It was about health & child obesity. He said some people come to define everything about themselves with being overweight. I do this, but with failure.
We make it all a joke. Oh hahaha I’ve been married three times. Oh hilarious I’ve done no exercise again. Laugh with me so I don’t cry. I might cry anyway but laugh with me because what else is there? I wanted the marriage to work, I want to be slim. Crying is so socially awkward though & laughing isn’t so very far away psychologically.
Just before I started at my new job, when I was really upset & uncertain whether I would be any use at all my husband made a great comment. He said ‘when I had cancer you were the bird at the front of the flying formation all the time. Now I’m the lead bird for a bit.’ He has led the flock for a year. (The house has been A MESS!)
At this time of year you really start to notice flocks of birds returning in formation and that is really visual what he meant. All I could do was follow, plunge one foot in front of another and keep on. Not only following my husband but our school leaders.
That’s also important. When I was looking for a job I heard ‘be careful as people may feel threatened by you as an ex head.’ Not our head. He is his own person. Fair, personable and consistent. It’s all you can ask really along with the odd pained laugh about football.
So, a year has gone by and yes I still love teaching. Getting better only comes with working on it. It’s hard but worth it. If you are looking around choose the right school, talk to the Head.
Someone has to be the lead bird in the formation and at our school it works really well. We all fly in the right direction. Not easy in a four form entry school so hats off to the lead bird & also obviously for his ongoing support of West Ham.
Here is my diary entry this time last year last night and today.
Flamingo notebook 