Today I got my letter of permanent appointment through the post. The happiness and relief are huge. When I was at home in a type of education purgatory some colleagues told me I’d struggle to get a job as a class teacher having been a head so long as heads would feel threatened by me. That seemed mad to me as clearly if I were that great I wouldn’t be in that situation but the experiences of colleagues seems to bear that out.
Serendipity struck for me though. A second advertisement for a maternity leave cover in a school I knew well. I knew the head professionally, not personally but got the impression of sound moral courage. I doubted he would feel threatened at all, never mind by me.
He spent a lot of time showing me around on his birthday. I think I was unexpected but not necessarily a gift. I certainly looked more pregnant than the girl about to depart to give birth. I applied straight away as it was so clear to me I would love it and it was ‘the one.’
A few weeks later. Competitive interview and observation task done I awaited a call some time into the evening. I got the job & was thrilled at the new start. Looking around I said that I just wanted to get my head down, work hard and be a great teacher. The systems in place support that well. Leadership de-skilled me as a teacher and it has been great to have a list each obs of what to work on next. The reward each day of positive feedback, from relationships and being part of a great team is huge.
The permanent vacancy came up several weeks ago and I wanted it. Our school does not have a recruitment issue so I knew there would be competition. I sort of went back to my rowing days in my head. You can’t do anything about how the other crews perform, you can only influence your own performance. I found ‘the one’ in terms of a lesson and gave it my all. I never allowed myself to think I would get the job, but I did. As I said to our head when he rang me it is his job to put the best teacher there is going in front of those children and if that’s not me he would have to let me down however sad he would know I’d be.
So now it is really time for a new start. I have a new home and will be teaching for the foreseeable future. This makes me really happy.
I have a list of oddments of things to add:
1. The old. I have to acknowledge how sad it is to have said goodbye to headship. The first post on this blog is that.
Updated-thank you for all the lovely comments and tweets. For a person who is happy I have cried A LOT the past couple of days. Reflecting on why there are two reasons. Getting my letter & knowing I’m finally home has allowed me to think about, and grieve for, my previous job. I still feel I let children, families and staff down enormously by departing, as it must have seemed to them, in a puff of smoke. Headship never defined me & certainly don’t miss being in charge but was very happy as a head for most of 9 years and miss many aspects of the job I always considered such a privilege. The other thing that has made me face feelings was @teacherhead’s post about how he felt at the worst times toward the end of his headship. It really resonated and took me back to that helpless, desolate place. Where whatever I did, however I did it, it just wasn’t enough. Look it up, the title is ‘Out of the darkness.’ (That’s more music ‘I’ve given all I can-it’s not enough.’).
But, time to dry the tears now & get on with term 6. There’s a whole lot of the best job in the world to be getting on with.
2. I emailed our head (Stone Roses fan) at end of my first term to thank him for giving me a chance & changing my life. He replied ‘I think you did that’ https://youtu.be/l14kECX08NE -THIS IS THE ONE!
3. The observation lesson I pulled off would have been nothing without this from @redgierob & @literacyshed http://www.literacyshed.com/bubbles.html who would have thought when I was squabbling with you like a twerp a couple of years ago Rob?! I’m sorry. Again!
4. ‘Today I sit in a different car and look forward. Anything is possible. Because I am not the girl I used to be.’ Girl on the train (film quote-not sure of Paula Hawkins exact wording)
5. Thank you everyone that helped along the way, especially during the dark days. ‘Tomorrow is a new day for everyone, brand new moon. Brand new sun.’ https://youtu.be/gubz32Zm3gw
Flamingo notebook 